Darkness lives inside us…

People thought she had the most beautiful smile, a smile that could brighten up anyone’s day.

But of course they never noticed her eyes, those dark lifeless eyes.

she always wondered why people never saw the darkness hiding behind her eyes, the darkness that she hides behind her beautiful smiles, the darkness she barely have control on.

At nights she feel uncomfortable in her own skin. There is this evil darkness inside of her that threatens to crawl out of her but she wouldn’t let it come outside.

She won’t let the darkness crawl out of her because it would destroy the people she love and she would rather die than let that happen.

So she lays in bed curled in to a ball with teary eyes, struggling with the evil inside of her.

Unanswered questions!

You were the most important person in her life and yet she never noticed you change. She Never noticed you getting distant.

I wonder why she never noticed you change? Were you discreet about it? Or was she blind because she was going through pretty dark stuff herself.

But that’s definitely not an excuse! Everyone is going through some dark stuff in their life. Did you try to tell her about the things you were going through?

Do you know what this is doing to her? All these unanswered questions, it’s killing her. She feels like she destroyed something good.

Why does she feel like that? She wish she could ask you that. But then she will never be brave enough. She will always remain a fucking coward.

Touch!

She is fully clothed, but here she is still feeling naked, extremely naked on the bed. She wanted to scream and cry but she cannot, she cannot let anyone know.

His hands, she can still feel them roaming around her body, destroying her. She told him no, she told him to stop but he wouldn’t hear, no one heard her pleas to stop, not any one of them.

These flashbacks it keeps on killing her soul, which is now as black as it could be. She barely survived the reality of the abuse and now she is dying piece by piece, flesh by flesh.

And she knows no one cares, no one cares until it’s too late.

Darkness…

Darkness surrounds me when everything comes back, the flashbacks especially and i scream as the hands comes closer and when i hear the evil laughter, i scream so loud but NO, i can’t even hear my own voice.

All i can hear is the laughter, people laughing at me and i break down falling to my knees, cradling my face in my hands and tears streaming down my cheeks.

And Iam scared just scared of everything, every touch every noise just makes me shiver and gives me the eerie kind of cold.

It’s been years and i wonder when will i ever get over this, when will i ever be safe and when will i ever be able to find peace.

Suffocation!

I lay down in bed and i close my eyes, i try to sleep but i know deep inside that iam not going to get a wink of sleep.

I sat upright in bed hugging my knees to my chest, i wonder what happened to me.

At least sleeping used to seize my existence for a while. I pray to God why iam like this? But then i realize there is no God and some habits just takes time to vanish.

This feeling i cant take it anymore, i feel like there is this volcano boiling inside of me and when it bursts iam going to destroy everyone around me.

So i try keeping it all inside the smoke, the lava everything and now it is suffocating me.

And i don’t know what to do…

Survival

Looking at the mirror, all I can see is the shell of a person she used to be. The black slightly curled hair pooling around her face, hiding the pair of eyes that just shows how much dead she is inside. The tear streaked cheeks, so wet from a life time of tears. Those lips, which is so used to fake smiling.

Staring at the mirror I can’t help but pity her. The poor girl doesn’t even want to survive anymore. Her hands are bleeding from holding on to something that’s not even there.

She may have survived the Storm but she didn’t make it whole. The only thing left after the storm is the shell, just the shell of a dead girl.

A wish…

If I could make a wish, I would wish for you to be happy always.

If I could just make one wish, I would wish that the evil darkness of this world would never touch you.

If I could at least make a wish, I would wish you would only have happiness in your life.

A wish, is it too much to ask?

Pain…

I could feel the Ray’s of sunlight hitting my skin, it’s time to wake up. I sat upright in my bed, people say that the sunlight freshens you and give you the morning vibes but not for me.

Iam so used to the darkness that sunlight felt like a nuisance.

Then I hear her voice Calling me, how much I hate everything about her. But it doesn’t matter even if I hate my family, I have to play this role until iam no more.

Then I do the saddest thing I could ever do, I smile and get in to the role doing all my duties as a good daughter.

Until it’s night again when I retire to my room alone, sitting on the edge of my bed and the smile slowly fading and a frown taking it’s place and Wondering what iam doing and I remember how fucked up life is…

That’s when the worst things happen the urge to feel the pain.When you get addicted to pain there is little way out.

The physical pain is just addictive that sometimes you just have to even if you don’t want to.