I never thought it possible to feel so close to someone yet feel so far from them.
I still remember the first time I met you 6 or 7 years ago but it all seems just like yesterday.
I was so damn vulnerable at that time. I had started immersing myself in books because life sucks and I hated reality and then I found you, everything about you intrigued me. Your name, your works everything and I was soon smitten by you and Everytime you message me I had this wierd feelling in my mind that I cannot really put my fingers on.
I remember the day I realized my feelings for you. It is when you said to me “if you were a guy I would have married you” I had this weird feeling inside me and for the first time I wanted to be a guy but I couldn’t because that’s not me!
And then for the very first time I realised after all everything is going to change now.
She is addicted to caffeine but Iam not.
she is addicted to adventure but Iam not.
she is addicted to Harry Potter but Iam not.
But despite all these differences iam addicted to her.
Why does we fall in love with someone who wouldn’t love us the way we want them to love us?
My addiction to her is going to be the death of me. It’s like how she is addicted to caffeine, can’t live without having a dose of it and for me it’s her, does she even suspect that iam this addicted to her, probably not and I hope it stays like that.
I know my addiction to her is going to end bad but still here iam thinking about her and addicted to HER.
How can you hate who I’m Soo much?it’s because I’m fat right? I’m fat, ugly and unworthy to be loved… Everyday I dread going to college because everyone laughs at me and makes fun of me being fat… Why do they do that? Why do they have to make me feel more horrible than I already feel… You think iam a joke someone to laugh at but do you know what you are doing to me… Do you know how much I hate myself. I look at the mirror and hate what I see and I feel disgusting… Why wouldn’t people understand that words Hurt so damn Much…
I don’t know what to feel anymore.. it’s like iam just existing and don’t know or understand what’s happening around me anymore. My head is messed up and the only thing iam Doing nowadays is studying. And there is nothing more that I hate this much! To study… Iam spenting a lot of time just staring at the walls in my room. I don’t know what to think about or to do I just sit there staring.
I know in my heart I perfectly know I have a lot of things to do like I want to write there is so much plots and characters that is wanting to come out of me but I just can’t I just feel so damn much suffocated….
At least I used to be able to cry before but I can’t even do that now iam just feeling numb perfectly numb and it’s just worse…
If you asked me a year ago that if I did believe in friendship or if I would ever make true friends I would have totally said NO! But now if you did ask me if I believe in friendship I would say in big block letters an YES!
I don’t care if my problem get solved anymore. The only thing I care about ryt now is that I felt what real friendship is right now. I had this problem which I had no solution to and I was so tensed and didn’t have any one to share it and finally I shared it to my friend and she was so damn supportive that even I was so shocked she even made me smile at that moment I decided that she is the one I was looking for and iam going to treasure her in my life forever!
Iam really really happy that she is here for me! Iam happy that I took a step forward from my depressive life and iam glad that I told her about my problem! Iam so thankful to you my friend… I love you!
It’s been a long time since I have written something. I don’t really know what iam doing or what iam going to do…. Iam planning on writing about whatever happening in my life any interesting things or places iam visiting etc….
Anyways iam just thinking about it most probably I will be writing about my life, emotions etc.. sometimes I will do book reviews haven’t done that before so don’t know how it is going to end up. Anyways time to leave…
The one and only sad answer is No.
I personally believe that the problem lies deep down our Indian society. If the Indian supreme court is to pass a nationwide gay marriage legalisation there would be more resistance against the law rather than supporting it!
And most importantly we shouldn’t forget about the massive hate and resistance we are going to get from the conservative states (there are worse things happening in some Indian states that we are not even aware of…).
And some stupid people even dare to say that “ we can’t bring western culture to our society and culture” like really? Then I could think of a hundred things that they should ban in India!
This is just a stupid, hallow and pathetic reason to say!
The real reason is the society of India is not ready to ascept this big change that’s going to come and I don’t think they will ever be ready for it…
Indians cling to a more than 150 year old law stating the ban of LGBT! And the law has been introduced when british ruled India… What the hell do these people want us to believe?
And our Indian society has a great wish of including religion in every problem… I myself personally don’t believe in any specific religion.. what I believe is that there is something or someone with great power aka God is watching over us, protecting us. That’s what I believe!
And iam damn sure that God wouldn’t want us to fight over sexuality or anything, iam sure he would want us to be able to be free and just be us, as natural as it is!
I don’t think we will be able to celebrate any gay liberalisation parties anytime soon at least till this generation finishes and the next one is started!
I hope we Indians get our freedom of being ourselves soon, I hope that we will get there someday!!!
28/06/1997- I always had a dream of how my family would wish me on my birthday everyone standing around my bed singing birthday song that’s how I envisioned waking up.
An empty room surrounded by silence wasn’t what I accepted when I woke up yesterday morning. I went downstairs everything was usual. Mom’s in the kitchen, dad’s reading newspaper, sister is drawing, grandma is in the garden. Everything was like any other day. That’s when I understood the bitter truth that my family once again forgot my birthday.
There are a few birthdays that I could call fun in my life. Like my first birthday even if I don’t remember when I see the pictures I think I was happy. When did I became someone who was soo happy to someone like this ? well I think I know the answer!
The only thing that made me happy that day is wish from my best friend. Even if she is soo far away from me. She is my best friend. She is the only one who understands me and has always been there for me and iam really happy about.
Thank you so much, thank you for being in my life, for believing in me and I love you soo much!
Something that has to be built with time. in case of me it only takes seconds. I trust almost everyone I come through in life though I know how dangerous it is to trust a stranger.
I have many experiences with bad people. I know not to trust someone so easily but then they have to just tell two kind words to me and iam a goner.
I have had several relationship and friends where I trust and have faith in them too fast. But at the end I always get hurt.
I honestly don’t know how to stop to trust people so easily. I don’t want my heart broken anymore. I don’t know what to do about this!
“Treat with cruelty or violently” especially for a long period of time is considered as abuse. Why does people get abused?
People get abused everyday in this world. Especially women are the victims for abuse. Even if it in a relationship, marriage or anything else women always suffer more. In some parts of the world people can’t even say it out loud that they are getting abused and ask for help. Most people refuse to believe or help them.
Iam a victim of child abuse and I hope no one has to go through it.:(