Friendship!

If you asked me a year ago that if I did believe in friendship or if I would ever make true friends I would have totally said NO! But now if you did ask me if I believe in friendship I would say in big block letters an YES! 

I don’t care if my problem get solved anymore. The only thing I care about ryt now is that I felt what real friendship is right now. I had this problem which I had no solution to and I was so tensed and didn’t have any one to share it and finally I shared it to my friend and she was so damn supportive that even I was so shocked she even made me smile at that moment I decided that she is the one I was looking for and iam going to treasure her in my life forever! 

Iam really really happy that she is here for me! Iam happy that I took a step forward from my depressive life and iam glad that I told her about my problem! Iam so thankful to you my friend… I love you!

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WRITING!

It’s been a long time since I have written something. I don’t really know what iam doing or what iam going to do…. Iam planning on writing about whatever happening in my life any interesting things or places iam visiting etc…. 

Anyways iam just thinking about it most probably I will be writing about my life, emotions etc.. sometimes I will do book reviews haven’t done that before so don’t know how it is going to end up. Anyways time to leave…

Is India ready to legalise gay marriages!?

The one and only sad answer is No.

I personally believe that the problem lies deep down our Indian society. If the Indian supreme court is to pass a nationwide gay marriage legalisation there would be more resistance against the law rather than supporting it!

And most importantly we shouldn’t forget about the massive hate and resistance we are going to get from the conservative states (there are worse things happening in some Indian states that we are not even aware of…).

And some stupid people even dare to say that “ we can’t bring western culture to our society and culture” like really? Then I could think of a hundred things that they should ban in India!

This is just a stupid, hallow and pathetic reason to say! 

The real reason is the society of India is not ready to ascept this big change that’s going to come and I don’t think they will ever be ready for it…

Indians cling to a more than  150 year old law stating the ban of LGBT!  And the law has been introduced when british ruled India… What the hell do these people want us to believe?

And our Indian society has a great wish of including religion in every problem… I myself personally don’t believe in any specific religion.. what I believe is that there is something or someone with great power aka God is watching over us, protecting us. That’s what I believe! 

And iam damn sure that God wouldn’t want us to fight over sexuality or anything, iam sure he would want us to be able to be free and just be us, as natural as it is!

I don’t think we will be able to celebrate any gay liberalisation parties anytime soon at least till this generation finishes and the next one is started!

I hope we Indians get our freedom of being ourselves soon, I hope that we will get there someday!!!

The worst day!


28/06/1997- I always had a dream of how my family would wish me on my birthday everyone standing around my bed singing birthday song that’s how I envisioned waking up.

An empty room surrounded by silence wasn’t what I accepted when I woke up yesterday morning. I went downstairs everything was usual. Mom’s in the kitchen, dad’s reading newspaper, sister is drawing, grandma is in the garden. Everything was like any other day. That’s when I understood the bitter truth that my family once again forgot my birthday.

There are a few birthdays that I could call fun in my life. Like my first birthday even if I don’t remember when I see the pictures I think I was happy. When did I became someone who was soo happy to someone like this ? well I think I know the answer!

The only thing that made me happy that day is wish from my best friend. Even if she is soo far away from me. She is my best friend. She is the only one who understands me and has always been there for me and iam really happy about. 

Thank you so much, thank you for being in my life, for believing in me and I love you soo much!

A spark of light

 it’s a short story I have written and please read it and tell me how is it!

I woke up with a gasp, tears streaming down my face. I was breathing really hard. “It was only a dream, just a dream,” I chanted to myself. I sat upright in my bed, closing my eyes. I could still remember that day so vividly, the day my life changed forever. I no longer understood the meaning of having a family after being betrayed by them in such a manner. I wiped the tears from my cheeks as the memories came rushing to my mind.

It all started on the day my father was admitted in a hospital. My mother left me at my uncle’s house. My uncle and aunt didn’t have a child of their own, so they spoiled me and I had fun with them. I was just 9 years old, and like any other kid was really excited to be there. I was having a good time with my aunt when she got a call from her office. She had to leave immediately but told me not to worry because my uncle would be back soon. She instructed me to stay put, lock the doors and not open them for anyone except my uncle, and I did so without any question. Then I went back to the couch and started watching my favourite anime “Naruto” on the TV. It was getting really exciting when the doorbell rang. I ran to the front window and checked who it was. I could see my uncle standing outside so I unlocked the door and smiled at him. My smile soon fell off when I saw his bloodshot eyes and his evil grin. That was the first time in my life I felt scared of him, scared of my own uncle.

I went back to the couch, not wanting to miss another scene as he made his way inside the house. I could no longer concentrate on the anime because I felt paranoid and a little scared. As I was lost in my thoughts, I felt a hand touch my thigh. I jumped involuntarily and was shocked to see that it was my uncle’s hand. Shocked is an understatement, I was bewildered and terrified. As the seconds passed, his hands slid higher and higher, I stood up trying to get away. I didn’t know what he was trying to do to me but it didn’t feel good. It all seemed wrong somehow. I saw something in his eyes and knew he wasn’t my uncle anymore. The image I had of him as a caring and nice man was shattered.

As I tried to run back to my room, he grabbed me by my arm and pushed me to the sofa. Everything that happened after that is a blur. My clothes were off and I was in really great pain, his hand was stopping me from screaming but tears were pouring down my eyes. I tried pushing him off but he was stronger than me. I kicked and struggled but nothing worked. The only thing I could do was lay motionless like a corpse, a part of me died that day. When he was finished, he turned to look at me and said, “Don’t you dare tell anyone about this or I’ll make it hurt more.”

I was so scared by that time that I just wanted to get away, so I nodded. As soon as he was gone, I cried my eyes out. I held by head between my hands and kept weeping. It hurt so much; I just wanted it to stop hurting. I couldn’t handle the pain.  I got up from the sofa and with great difficulty went to the bathroom. I took a shower and rubbed the soap all over my body trying to get his scent off me, I even tried to eat some of the soap because I felt so dirty inside.

That night I went to sleep early and when my aunt asked what was wrong, I wanted to tell her everything. But his eyes haunted me and his words terrified me still. I just couldn’t say a word. I lied about having a headache and went to bed. For the next three day, he kept doing the same thing over and over again. He would touch me when my aunt wasn’t looking and at night I locked my room, scared he would come there too. I cried myself to sleep every night, but now I was afraid to even fall asleep. My dreams had turned into nightmares and I didn’t know what to do anymore.

When my mother came to take me back home, I was so relieved to be getting away from him. But at the same time, I felt disgusted with myself. Even after leaving this place, he never left me. His memories haunted me like a ghost and he was always present in my nightmares. Whenever my mom would try and take me back to that place, I would shout and cry. I was so depressed; I couldn’t take the darkness surrounding my life anymore. One day my mother made me sit beside her and asked me “What’s wrong with my precious little baby?”

I was so relieved that she finally noticed my pain. I told her about everything that happened to me, crying but feeling like a burden had lifted off my chest. I didn’t have to hide it any longer. But my happiness was short-lived. By the time I was finished, I was hugging her so hard, but she pulled me out of the hug and slapped me right on my face. I fell off the bed to the floor. I was shocked and shivering, thinking about why she had hurt me.

“Why?” I asked her with a choking voice. She got angrier and said, “Why? You are asking me why? Your uncle already called and told me about your obsession with him. I feel so ashamed of you. I’m disgusted that you were born as my daughter.” She slapped me again and left saying that she couldn’t even look at me anymore. I stared after her, my own mother didn’t believe me. That was the moment of betrayal that I would never forget. The last spark of light in my life was snuffed out and darkness replaced it.

I opened my eyes and was crying again. I felt the bed sheets shuffling around and when I looked to the side, I saw that Aravind was awake. “Another nightmare?” he asked me and I nodded. He pulled me into a hug, rubbing my back and telling me that everything will be alright.

I still remember the first time I met him in college. I was a depressed and anti-social girl at that time. I barely talked to anyone especially boys. I hated them with a passion. But Aravind wasn’t like anyone else. He tried to talk to me despite my rudeness; he took down my walls and filled me with his brightness.

“Ananya” he said while caressing my cheeks and I blinked my eyes while his were directly staring at me, those beautiful blue eyes. How I lost myself in them, every time is still a mystery! I hugged him and told him “I love you,” and that would never stop being true. He held me and whispered in my ear, “I love you too.” I held on to him like my life depended on it, because it did. I knew everything would be okay despite my past, it didn’t bother him anyway. After all, he loved me and that is all I need. He is the spark of light in my dark world.

Maladaptive daydreaming

I just recently came to know about “maladaptive daydreaming”. The funniest thing is that iam suffering from this type of daydreaming but I never knew it had a name like this.i started having maladaptive daydreaming when I regained my memories about my childhood abuse.

Having maladaptive daydreaming is like one moment you are sitting behind your desk listening to classes and the next moment you catch yourself daydreaming. Daydreaming is a way of people to escape from a problem they might be facing. In my dreams I have always noticed that I try to create a place were iam happy and not abused.

When you find yourself missing days and hours of time daydreaming. This is known as maladaptive daydreaming. Some believed that the trigger for this excessive form of daydreaming might be from trauma or abuse.

And from my experience I totally believe that.i find myself daydreaming for hours to keep my mind from hurting.

Trust!

Something that has to be built with time. in case of me it only takes seconds. I trust almost everyone I come through in life though I know how dangerous it is to trust a stranger.

I have many experiences with bad people. I know not to trust someone so easily but then they have to just tell two kind words to me and iam a goner.

I have had several relationship and friends where I trust and have faith in them too fast. But at the end I always get hurt.

I honestly don’t know how to stop to trust people so  easily. I don’t want my heart broken anymore. I don’t know what to do about this!

Abuse!

“Treat with cruelty or violently” especially for a long period of time is considered as abuse. Why does people get abused?

People get abused everyday in this world. Especially women are the victims for abuse. Even if it in a relationship, marriage or anything else women always suffer more. In some parts of the world people can’t even say it out loud that they are getting abused and ask for help. Most people refuse to believe or help them.

Iam a victim of child abuse and I hope no one has to go through it.:(

To people who reads!

I don’t remember how I got interested in reading books. Because all my childhood I was reading one thing or another. It’s so wonderful what a book can do to you. It can take you to a world you have never seen. All my life I have been reading books and now iam slowly trying writing too. I have won competition’s in colleges and all. Mmh I think that’s a start right